Most men have been taught to be gentlemen. No, said in any way, means no to them but there are always a few that push the boundaries. My first kiss was also the first time I was molested. Alcohol was involved. It was a party on the beach. It wasn't a huge group but out of the twelve of us, there were two girls. I was naive. My friend didn't watch out for me. It was a bad situation. I was sixteen. How was I to know? I had never had a guy force himself on me. I grew up with boys that were scared of me or idolized me. My hometown was small enough that if anything ever happened, their mothers would hear about it. Here I was, on the beach in Thailand with ten guys and twelve bottles of johnny walker. It wasn't supposed to be that way.
After drinking, dancing, messing with the phosphorescent bacteria in the sand, we all crashed. We pushed three beds together. I lay down next to the youngest guy. He was passed out. Suddenly, Sid jumped in between. Now, I'm a cuddly person. I like human touch as much as anybody else. My friends in my hometown would have 'cuddle puddles.' Twenty of us would sprawl all over each other. Boys, Girls, Gay, Straight, innocent or very experienced. It didn't matter. I asked Sid to spoon with me. Bad idea.
We were talking with his arms around me. I turned my head to say something and his tongue came down my throat. I remember thinking "Is this happening? What is this? Why did he do this?" Then I wasn't sure what to do. Should I have called out? Should I have woken everybody up? In my haze, I thought that if I hugged him, he wouldn't be able to kiss me. That didn't work. Then I thought that I would just turn my back to him. I turned on my side and he kissed up and down my neck for what felt like hours. The whole time, he tried to squeeze his legs between mine. He fell asleep with his face buried in the back of my neck and I lied awake for the entire night and pretended that none of it was happening. I didn't want to "Make a Scene." I was terrified of bothering the others.
That was my first kiss. I pretended that it never happened. It didn't count. I didn't want it so therefore it never happened. It happened though and it did change me. I remember thinking, "well, it can only go up from here. I might as well kiss everyone in sight."
One of my friends had a bad experience last night. It was a beach party. Alcohol was involved. I could tell that something wasn't right. The rest of the group kept saying " She's a big girl. She can handle herself. She knows what she's doing." I knew though. She was in the same situation I had been in two years ago. The guy was a lecher and she was in trouble. Moreso than I had been in on the beach because this guy was much older than 18 and he would try to go much farther.
At one point, I made a blanket fort. My friend escaped for long enough to crawl under the blanket and put her head on my knee. Still with a smile on her face, she looked up at me and whispered "Rescue me." Ten seconds later, the creep grabbed her legs and pulled her out of the fort. "No" I said. "She's staying here."
My guy and I took her into a bedroom and set her up with blankets and a pillow and said "You can stay here." "Thank you."
It sucks. Guys can be awful. But after going through it once, you learn that when bad situations happen, "Making a scene" doesn't matter. You stand up, you slap him. You say "NO means NO!! And I am NOT doing this with you. Especially since you didn't stop when I told you the first time."
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